quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
