"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
