new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
