i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
