News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
