Sponge bath it is.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
