What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Houston, we have a blender
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
