i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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