Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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