I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
