uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
