My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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