On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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