i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
