Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
