i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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