I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
