Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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