I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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