the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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