Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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