3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
