i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
