I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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