I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
