I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
