I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
