Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
