Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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