I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
