tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
