Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
