I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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