can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
