Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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