Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
