The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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