maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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