You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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