a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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