Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she told me i tasted like america
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
