We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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