apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just invented taco cereal.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
