Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
