Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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