I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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