those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
