I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
