What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
