He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
