Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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