worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
do herpes really smell.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hippo gnu deer
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
