you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
