and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
