Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
