I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize