And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
