you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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