Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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