Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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