i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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