I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize