I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
is that a dick in a sweater?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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