so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
