There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
